at times like this i think about crhistianity. not really the god part of the religion though. i;m unsure about the personal value of de drie eenheid, of een algemenere god..dat soort dingen. no this isnt an anti-theism rant or something i just unconsciously piut the focus somewhere else in chrstinaity (..this is a difficult word to spell).
like the play directors steer the protagonist in Drive My Car as if game arbiters, or in fact just the bounded whims of an author's story. it's this kind of thing that makesme think about religion. We have a scripture; we have an author. But I don't mean by this /simplifying/ the world or ignoring worldly issues. I just mean seeing eye to eye ..not literally. Rather, seeing eye to eye on the rules of the game; "we've all read the rulebook, we don't need to repeat the rules."
there's games in many things. following the rules is sacred, but not a given. spite is borne from being stuck in the crevasse between sacred fairness, and embracingly cheating. Speaking in more earthly matters, small talk is one such game.
of course this doesn't seem to really reflect christianity inany way[1]. it's a splintered bunch. but its the kind of thing that makes me think, 'well maybe if i just dig deep enoug h into the books. maybe if i just spend a little more time thinkin&reading. I will /actually get there/' idk. it's a stupid fucking thought. isolate yourself&never relay your thoughts to anyone; read a holy scripture; ???; figure out the world....profit..
i still want to read the bible.
in kenzaburo oe the silent cry (terrible english title, im sorry) there's a recurring imagery of a painting of figures in hell. a note is made of a conspicuously off-feeling in the painting. eventually, one of characters mentions that it seems to them as if none of the (Terrible meager, corpse-like) figures are actually in pain. its an idea that then quikcly takes hold of the rest of the painting-onlookers. and in fact, the specific tone of red used for the fire in the painting is a minor-major recurring symbol in the book. with this passage, its red color is given sense.
with oe, its a bit of a puzzle what parts are the crushingly low self esteem&incomplete perspectives of his protagonists, and what parts share common sentiment. still, this tone of red is a soothing thing.not the corpses, not their flesh-dripping boney appearances; these things dont communicate to each other. they shouldnt. not theor words or their skinship-- the kind of thing that must commuincate an extremely delicate empathy&sensibility is the subjective experience of the color red of just one viewpoint. this book is drenched in the topic of death.
what i think would be nice to look for in religion is a kind ofpainting and a ruleset. they won't be shown to anyone. they're gonna be egotistically, megalomaniacally mine.
its a little bit of make-belief world of projecting your thoguhts of peace. of 'we understand each other's and 'i love you's and 'youve done enough's and total empathettic bliss..quiet peaceful rest, up there; this I say in my isolated little world.
[1] "The development of Protestant denominations in the Netherlands from 1816 to 2006." https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/38/Gereformeerd.svg