11/8/22
lately i have been kind of returning to more standdard forms of music. lots of tenniscoats&markus acher, really. if i /had/ to label: bits of folk, bits of indie. its been strange. really strange. i am not used to being able to play the music I listen to; historically, listening&playing as completely seperated activity. i think its been a good thing for me though, or at least in the sense of returning a perspective to me.
so I guess. as kind of a natural consequence. ive been thinking back on how ive been playing music thru the years.
rlly early on when i started playinmusic (which isnt of interest; late starter), there were twwo ways of playin music for me: from sheet, from """theory"""". no tab, no 'visualization'. these are Fake Music, so I had in mind. Get Ready for playing with others.... Learn..so as to be on the same page as others. and I DID. I EGGED on others to play w/ me all the time to.....mixed avail. Of course, none of this made any sense.
frankly, the things iI do rememberr about playin with others have scarcely been positive. Its the kind of thing where the VIBES are just /always/ OFF....yeaa,.. I think that conveys it best, but the important bit lies in the aftermath that manifests itslef properly in people: blank, dissatistfied stares; bottled frustrations; in awkward tone: "haha. maybe we should practice smth in advance nextt time...". Of course, never a followup-- only ever disappointment undertones. etched into my mind is expressions of disinterest and deflation; thats what playing music only ever was.
playin music this way was only as much a communal thing as it was a /contractual/ thing. excommunication for poor performance -- even under complete casual friends-- is the standard modus operandi. play the tropes; play the genres. you wont be able to....
Its icky. for everyone, so much is on the line in music. If I cant play like myf favorite musisician, then wht am I worth anyway? positive reinforcing was rare; Rather Not Play than play Poor. not even this is exscaped in genres such as Punk. (which, truth be told, punk should not even BE genre. punk should be a relatively outddated attitude and/or a macro for DIY Music.) Punk isnt a respite. even punk is negative reinforcement around the wrong people.
the shit that broke me out of thi s pessimism had fuckall to do with training..nothings changed..my technical skill is close to the same if not worse. The things that have /actually/ gotten better: my musical ear (i can find a maj/min key and audiate a little); not feeling the pressure of needing to play with people to be a Musician <-- r/bass, r/guitars, Crabs in a Bucket; Confidence; Listening to the right music?. hold that thought.
a beginner trap: what the fuck is the point of theory without havin sound in between your ears. I don't understand. and don't misunderstand: im not talking about feel as in delicate sense for rhythm, for timing. not the blues or swing or ragtime kind of intricate /feel/. all I mean is being able to think in music -- even just mildly! even just a little! experiment! EXPERIMENT; JUST PLAY! its natural... I beg you.. -- without the need of macros such as theory; without needing to go "OH YEAH Em F#m G THATS SOME JPOP RIGHT THERE".. theory is never prescriptive. never, ever, ever, ever. there is no theory without music. its all bunk.
regardless. Eagle's eye view:
Contributions to a soft destruction of my musical values: harsh noise artists; kosugi takehisa&east bionic symphonia/ex members; tori kudo (my current username namesake); other bits&pieces such as free jazz, drone&field recordings, masayoshi urabe, lots of others.
Things that negatively contributed: all of dojin music; all of established """alt/experimental""" bands (raidohead, pink floyd, etc.); rock; to amild degree, jazz.
once most ofmy contact with the people i used to (rarely) play with waned, i had no choice but to figure itout myself. so, with pointers from newfound interest, I... more or less just played gmaj7 chords for months. thats all i did. i thought they sounded nice. i still do. later on, playing bass, I downgraded to playing it as a guitar with pitchshift and lots of atonal noodling. I think the sounds that I then created still linger in all my playing: extremely dark n drugdy (accidentally); extremely poor technical skill.
nowadays tori kudo porbbably comes closest to what I care about. which is, more or less, just punk.. I think music critic term for ppl such as Kudo is naive artist. and.... well, yeah. music must start at naivety for some. I think that's the best way to put it. naivety.
free musicians finding different to ways to play, aiming for a furthering of music. a rejection of the reductionistic reign of pitch and rhythm. what else is there to be found? what can we truly do with the performance of 'music'?;;; Harsh noise artists finding ways to violently rip control out of the already loose grip you had on music; music is only a semi-serious joke. noise is deadness. maybe look and reflect a bit again? what can you, personally, bring to sound? what does sound bring back to you?
truth be told, i dont know how many ppl this actually involves. in his times at cafe minor, Kudo described himself as a rebellion against the "other side". a struggle between the frotniers of the underground and the above ground. Nowadays, I think thi s is pretty obviously somewhat outdated. People know about histories of experimentation. People know the dangers of harsh noise, of free music, of whatever, eventually falling back into common tropes. innovation never stands on solid ground. Not even Kudo fullheartedly keeps to his Radical roots anymore. I dont think theres anything glamorous to be found here. this is a rickety shack of a starting point; theres no stability here; no support from others. but i guess for me, it's the only starting point Ive been able to find. halfheartedly,
I dont keep to lofty promises of anti-establishment. anti-mainstream, anti-aboveground. whatever. theres nothing idealistic in how I play. And yes, intense spite is not a feeling I am unfamiliar with. this all is only for me...This is all so I can allow myself to even play a single note. But: yes! all of it is /also/ completely naive; a sincere naivety. please understand, I dont really think any of this should be forced upon anyone but me. I dont talk to people about things. its all in my head>>>>so, again: halfheartedly,
music is solitary. only under exceptional circumstances is it social. but music is not just music. music is the physicality of playing. experimentation happens under what feels good to your muscles. experimentation happens under what feels bad to your muscles. ruin your muscles; ruin your lungs; play a sound. all sound is music.
A post portem to genre. a post mortem the You that thinks of Music.
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